Melancholy Baby

~ By Jovi's Willow

Ten years. It’s been ten years and here I am, back in this god-forsaken town. I used to like it here, used to love it here. I had told myself I’d never come back, not after THAT night. She’d left me standing on the steps of that chapel having handed me my heart in a million tiny pieces, saying that she did love me but not like that and then she turned and walked away, never looking back. How does someone recover from that? She was supposed to be the love of my life – the perfect wife, the mother to the children I might someday have. Damn.

But that was then… that was before. I’m sitting, peering out the window of my suite to the city below – millions of people, millions of stories in this city that never sleeps. Glancing toward the fountain I see her – no, it couldn’t be her – wait, maybe it is, standing, staring at the water as it jumps around to the muted music I hear through the glass. The lights are a little blurry, could be the hour, could be the wine, could just be my fuzzy mind, but I swear it’s her and I’m drawn toward the door. Before I even realize what is happening, I’m in the elevator, through the lobby and out the door, the dancing waters in front of me now, the music louder, invading my mind like a dream that I never want to end.

I stop then, glancing about in search of her… long, dark hair flowing freely down her back, slim figure but not slight or waif like. From above I couldn’t see her face but soon enough our eyes meet and reality hits me once again like a ton of bricks has fallen on my chest. Quickly I turn away, not wanting to show my disappointment to the world. I feel sad and foolish for thinking that she was here, like a ghost waiting for her true love to someday re-appear. Quickly I move to wipe the unwanted tears from my eyes, trying to force the memories back into the box from which they had emerged, longing to lock them away once and for all, throwing the key away into the depths of the fountain in front of me.

It’s then that I feel her, the unwanted version of the soul I had been seeking, coming up behind me, tapping my shoulder to get my attention. How dare she! This was not the time or place for such an invasion of my personal space. With hardened features I turn to face her, seeing for the first time the gentle, green eyes and the soft, smooth features of her face. But none of that matters as my anger bubbles over, remembering.

“Excuse me, are you ok?” you inquire.

“What? I’m fine, I don’t know what you are talking about?” I answer, disdain and sarcasm hanging from every syllable of every word that come from my mouth.

Taken aback, you step away, but your eyes are still glued to mine.

“I’m sorry to have bothered you. It’s just that you looked upset a moment ago and I….”

Not giving the chance to finish your reply, I bite back bitterly. “Well then. You think it’s just ok to ask a perfect stranger if they are ok? It’s not, do you hear me. So if you don’t mind, kindly leave me the fuck alone!”

As you stand there in stunned silence, I turn and walk away, this time being the one who has shattered rather than the one has been shattered. I walk into the lobby and stop, regret and sorrow hitting me like a parent who is scolding a wayward child. How could I be so cold? So callous? All she did was ask if I was ok.

Turning quickly on my heels, I run back out the door in search of her, hoping that this time I will have the chance to offer an apology.

But you are gone.

Just like she was.

I decide then and there that I must make things right this time rather than risk another ten years of regret and sadness.

But how?